Posted on July 5, 2015
victim to seeing what other people were doing and admiring it, but getting
discouraged all at the same time because I didn’t feel like I had what it took to be successful.
For a while, I didn’t wanna write anymore. I didn’t wanna be a journalist anymore. I
didn’t want any part of it anymore. I wanted a workaround instead. I’ve been overwhelmed, stressed and
discouraged and I’ve allowed it to get in the way of something that I’ve always
wanted to do.
of the reason while I’ve been going back and forth about grad school for the
last three years. It’s also part of the reason why my blog isn’t where I would
like it to be. I’ve allowed my fear to psych me out. I’ve allowed my full-time
job to be the priority and doing nothing when I get home every night. While I’m trying to find out where to go next, I’ve put
this space on the back burner.
feel like what I have to say is relevant enough to speak on. I just didn’t want
to be another cliché blogger with a bunch of cliché think pieces and other crap
I don’t care about for site traffic. Yeah, I want site traffic, but I want it
for the right reasons. I want people to come here and be able to relate. I want
people to come here and leave with gems.
nothing wrong with working a 9-5. Hell, I work a 9-5 right now, but I don’t
want that to be my story.
out my passion when I was 16-years-old and I thought it would come to fruition
by the time I graduated from college. Well, shit happens. It all depends on how
you handle what life throws at you. I’ve known this all along, and I can give
other people the sermon, but when it comes to myself, I come up empty. It’s
time that I practice what I preach. I know what I’m capable of and it's time to get to work.
change you want to see in the world.” – Mahatma Ghandi
It may be
cliché, but it’s true. I won’t know until I try. If I look up and years
have gone by and I sit wondering about what I could’ve done and should’ve done,
I’ll never forgive myself. I looked at my post from New Year’s Day and shook my
head because the year is halfway over and I’ve got nothing to show for it. I’ve
still got time to make 2015 count so I’m going to do all I can to make better
use of my free time.
know where this is gonna lead me or how it will turn out. I don’t know if the
people that claim they support me will actually support me. I just have to have
faith in myself, go with my gut and do it. I’ve been doubted in the past. I’ve
been told what I shouldn’t do or couldn’t do, but I did it anyway.
of the outcome, but I’ll never know if I don’t put forth the effort to be
to be brave and stop talking about my dreams and doing all I can to make it a
reality. It's so hard to get down when you see your peers doing well and you feel stuck. I've allowed that to hold me back for too long and I've decided to put an end to it. If they can do it, I can do it. Do it in your own time. Do it because will make you a better person. Everyone loves recognition, but don't do it solely for recognition. Do it because it's something you believe in.
To those of
you who read my little ol’ blog, thank you. To those of you who have given me
words of encouragement, thank you.
I’m not big
on posting every little thing I’m thinking or doing online, but just know that
you can expect change around here.
Labels: Lifestyle, Misc
Posted on February 23, 2015
Working 40 hours a week is a daunting task in itself. By the time I get home, I have about six hours to get other things done. By the time my workday is over, I'm in bum mode, which leads to me putting things off (i.e. writing and exercising) so that I can veg out and watch YouTube videos and TV with Twitter, of course.
During my college years, I had no choice but to stay organized. Not only was I a full-time student, I was also involved with extracurricular activities and held leadership positions so I couldn't slack off.
Six hours after work may seem like a lot, but once I get home, who really wants to cook dinner, exercise, write, AND go to bed at a "decent" hour? Going to bed at midnight is considered decent for me. Don't judge me.
Prioritizing is a must if you wanna get shit done. Between preparing for my concert and meet and greet, being out of work for three days due to this nasty weather and having a cold, I'm all out of wack. I haven't taken advantage of this time off to exercise or get anything done for the blog. I've been too busy trying to breathe out of both nostrils and stay warm.
When you have a creative mind, but you also work a 9-5, it's hard. Not only is it hard, but it's discouraging at times too. There really aren't enough hours in the day and it's so hard to put focus on the things that are important to you while trying to relax for your own peace of mind. It was easier to do in college, because college was a big ol' safety net. Yes, it helped me develop time management and networking skills, but all of that went out the door once I walked across that stage.
It's not an excuse, but it's hard to balance a job all while putting your love and care into something you believe in. It's hard, but I see other people doing it every day and that gives me hope. It doesn't help that my reality and primetime shows of choice take up every day of the week except Friday, Saturday and Sunday, but we'll work on that.
I recently began working out after work, which was a big step for me. There's an on-site gym that associates can join for free, so I finally started taking advantage
after being a member since July so I could make it part of my weekly routine. I prefer to work out after work because the gym is practically empty, I don't feel rushed, and it allows me go home and wind down completely afterwards. It's also allowed me to feel a sense of accomplishment even after dealing with work for eight hours.
If I can make a small commitment to working out, which has always been a struggle for me, I can carve out time for this little ol' space of mine and watch it take shape.
When it's all said and done, it takes patience, tenacity and encouragement. Lord knows I need it!
Posted on February 17, 2015
I'll be honest, I was ready for the day to come and go after all the hoopla surrounding the pushback of tour dates and the stress of finding shoes and just figuring out everything for the actual day. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I'm particular about things so I just wanted it to be an awesome day. The day of was nerve wrecking because Live Nation is awful and they need not ever handle meet & greets again. It was rushed and I wish I could've had a little bit more time, but I'm still grateful and elated that I got to meet them. Everybody who knows me personally and is close to me knows the love I've had for Christopher Maurice Brown since the very beginning. I also adore Trey and I'm proud of how far he's come.
I admit Chris has had his struggles and he's not perfect by any means, but he's human. A very talented human that I've followed since the very beginning. I've always found it inspiring to watch someone come from a town of 2,000 people become an international star. It was all so surreal, but I'm so glad I got to meet him and Trey. I've supported both of them since the very beginning of their careers and it's crazy how it came full circle. They're both on their sixth albums, they both came on the scene in 2005 and here we are 10 years later and they're on tour together and I got to meet them both on Valentine's Day. It was just an awesome experience and I'd do it all over again
minus the Live Nation crap
. They're both sweethearts and I'm grateful I got to meet them. I always thought about what would happen if I ever met them, and surprisingly I wasn't nervous at all.
Here's how the conversation went:
CB: Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you enjoy the show and I better see you turnin' up!
Me to them: I fuck with y'all! I didn't know what I was gonna say when I came in here, but I really fuck with y'all!
Trey: She really fucks with us!
Then Christopher proceeded to high five me with both hands andddddd my life was made.
I was nervous to do a persuasive speech in public speaking class in college, but I met artists that I adore and there wasn't an ounce of nervousness in my body. Maybe it's because we're close in age and it's almost like I've grown up with them over the last 10 years through their music. Either way, it was awesome. Chris gave me a high five. With both hands. He's so freaking awesome and I wish more people saw him in that light. I'm one of the first to talk about his shortcomings, but he's extremely talented and he's brought a lot of people together. I've formed friendships with people all over the place because of him.
Who needs a valentine when you met your favorite artist and watch them perform from second row? NOT I!
Posted on February 3, 2015
I'm actually going to the gym after work instead of coming home and piling up in my bed to watch 90s sitcoms on TVOne. Now, it hasn't been extremely consistent yet (two days in a row tops), but it's a start. I feel like I'm doing something. I feel bad when I eat junk, so I guess it's working. This is actually a huge step for me considering the paranoia I've felt about working out. The most I would do is walk around my complex for 30 minutes after work (in spring, of course). I'm actually taking a major step and I'm proud of myself.
I'm making it my mission to take action in 2015 and I think I'm off to a decent start. My eating habits have changed drastically since I've graduated from college, but there's always room for improvement. Exercise has been my biggest struggle, so I'm currently trying to find a routine that works for me so that I can get in the groove of things.
Pinterest and Tumblr have been my motivation and it's a good way to start your own health and fitness journey. You can literally find any and everything there; healthy recipes, workout tips, etc. Feel free to follow my Pinterest board
or Tumblr page
for inspiration. My random free subscription to Fitness Magazine
has been pretty helpful too.
Once I get a weekly routine down and add to my workout playlist, I'll be all set. I don't plan on posting pictures on social media or anything, but I may talk about some things here or just share what I'm doing on Tumblr. Pray for me! No really, pray for me.
P.S. Spaghetti squash might be my new favorite.
Labels: Health & Fitness
Posted on January 12, 2015
I've done a lot of talking and haven't taken enough action in the last couple of years and I want to change that this year. I talked a little about it in my previous post and it really hit me to day after I read Tyece's post from today called, "You Don't Need Inspiration, You Need Conviction". I've been too busy looking for inspiration instead of just doing it.
Too afraid to put my thoughts out there because I don't wanna come off like the bratty, whiney and entitled people I can't stand. I get that things take time. The fact that I dealt with college for four and half years is a testament to that, but I'm past that stage in my life now. There are so many things I wanna do and three years later, I'm still unsure of where to start. Sometimes I wanna go to grad school, sometimes I don't. A part of me wants to leave my current company because I feel undervalued and I'm definitely underpaid, but I don't want to start all over again and risk losing what I have acquired during my time there.
Uncertainty is a bitch. A rude one, but regret is even worse. I would hate to look back five to ten years from now and regret not doing what I want to do now. I want to take better care of my body, I wanna travel, maybe earn another degree or at least get some use out of my first one. I wanna read more books, but my attention span is entirely too short. I'm not big on TV or movies, but I wouldn't mind giving more shows and documentaries a shot, especially those written and/or produced by women or people of color.
Tyece couldn't have written that post at a better time. It's time to stop looking for "inspiration" and just put it out there. It's also time I stop being so critical of myself and be more honest in this space and allow myself to grow as a person and a writer.
As frustrating as it may be, I've been through worse so it's time to suck it up, take the bull by the horns and make 2015 a year to remember.
P.S. While I'm not showing conviction and I just feel like being an inspired bum, I tumble. Check out my Tumblr page especially for MOTC.
I will share miscellaneous things there that don't deserve an entire post over here.
DISCLAIMER: I'm a Tumblr addict so you'll have plenty of stuff to reblog.
Labels: Lifestyle, Misc
Posted on January 1, 2015
I have no complaints about 2014 and I'm grateful for everything that has happened in the last 365 days, but I really want to make this year about focus, initiative, and execution. I have a good feeling about it, and I intend to follow through with my promise to myself (and my close friends so they don't cuss me out). I'm getting closer to the big 3-0 and I'm trying to cross my t's and dot my i's.
Less excuses, more effort. I've learned that if you sit idly and watch other people make moves instead of making moves of your own, you'll grow old and wonder about the shoulda coulda wouldas. I learned that lesson in 2014 and it's really time to put up or shut up. I'm feeling inspired and encouraged from all the great things that have happened to all the awesome people that I know and now is the time to make sure some of that greatness is passed my way.
I doubt that I'll be exactly where I wanna be by this time next year, but taking steps to get there is better than taking none.
I don't know where 2015 is gonna lead me, but I'm looking forward to the journey. Here's to prosperity, peace, and last but not least, happiness.
Shoot, a little travel, a little weight loss, and a few more coins ain't never hurt nobody!
Posted on December 30, 2014
I'm seriously humbled and honored to have been mentioned in Tyece's list and I encourage everyone to visit her blog here
and check out all the other awesome women she featured. You can never have enough reading material. Go get you a piece!
Look out for some changes around here next year!
Labels: Beauty, Discussion, Fashion, Lifestyle, Misc
Posted on October 18, 2014
Ariana Grande is an amazing talent. The moment I saw her singing
over a Big Pun sample, the moment I watched a video of her rendition of
Emotions by none other than Queen Mariah, I was sold. The girl has pipes! Her
music is awesome too, but a lot of people focus more on her appearance than her
talent. She just turned 21 this summer and she got her career started on a
I've seen a lot of people refer to her as a "little
girl", and claim she needs to "grow up" before they can take her
seriously solely based on the way that she dresses.
In a society where women are scrutinized and expected to be sexy and thin, it
bothers me to see other women bash Ariana for her appearance. She may not have
long legs or wear a C-cup, but she's gorgeous in her own way. Ariana seems to
have a sweet spirit and she's uber talented, but people skip over all of that
just to talk about her appearance. Some of the very same women who preach about not
appeasing the male gaze rag on Ariana's appearance; including women I know. I
need all of the pots calling the kettle black to realize you contribute to the misogyny and patriarchy in today's society too.
She's a childhood star and she's only 21, so of course she's going
to explore her womanhood. God forbid any of you have daughters or sisters of
your own. Everybody isn't gonna be comfortable being "sexy", so
let them be!
I would rather Ariana rock her ponytail with her crop tops
and skater skirts and blow me away with her amazing voice than watch her conform for the sake of pleasing people who wouldn't support her talent anyway.
If you're one of those women who declare, "girl power" just to turn around and downgrade women for not dressing
"grown" or "sexy" enough, you're part of the problem and you might as well find
a seat at the table with all the boys and men who do the same thing.
Self-esteem issues were serious when I was a kid, but these kids
have it ten times worse with cyber bullying, and the pressure of wanting to
grow up too fast. Ariana may serve as an inspiration to some of these kids
to let them know that you can do whatever you want to do and not have to change
yourself to be successful. It may sound cliche, but it's true. If
you think about it, a lot of popular artists have had major success and they
didn't have a seat at the "cool kids" table starting out. They just did what felt comfortable to them.
Leave Ariana alone and worry about your own damn insecurities
before you start picking other people's lives apart. Pleasantries.
Posted on September 11, 2014
I'm Like A Bird x Nelly Furtado. Circa 2000.
Labels: Throwback Thursday