Posted on August 25, 2016
When you can't focus on your work or the concern
for your performance stats start to dwindle, it may be time to move on. It's
hard to pull away because I've invested 2.5 years into a place and I’ve seen no
I have benefits and paid time off stacked up, but
is that worth staying? Being underpaid, unfulfilled and feeling stagnant has
been my frame of mind for some time now. I worked in my first department for
the first two years and I hated it. I interviewed and got offered a position 8
months ago and took it. It was a lateral move and I vowed to never make a
lateral move, but I was desperate. The moral of the department was low.
Management wasn’t consistent, favoritism was shown constantly and I was tired
of being stressed.
Fast forward to eight months later and I’m
starting to feel the same way I did in my previous department, stagnant and
drained. My boss is fair, so management isn’t the problem. It’s just me. I
stopped eating lunch with my coworkers a few weeks ago and decided to eat lunch
solo. My attitude hasn’t been the best and we’re not on the same page regarding
our long term goals so instead of trying to explain myself to people I’m not
close too, I’ve opted to eat solo and read or write. I figured that’s the least
I can do during my time at that place.
I wrote this while I should’ve been focusing on
my work, but I had to get this off my chest because it's been bothering me for
a while. If I'm not using my degree at my current company now, it'll probably
be another two or three years before I do and I don't have any more time waste.
Sometimes you just have to know when to cut your losses, take what you've
learned and prepare to move on. We all have bills, student loan payments
and car payments to think about, but I’m starting to worry about my mental
health. I’m already miserable when I’m there. I don’t want to become depressed.
While I’m at work, I’m thinking about everything
else except the task at hand and it’s exhausting. I’ve thought about sticking
it out until after I return from my fall trips to start job hunting again, but
the thought of being there another two months is exhausting.
Between that and having to put things on hold
because I don’t get paid enough, it makes me want to give up. I’m starting to
feel like I did when I turned 25, except I have a job and my own place this
time. Honestly, the only thing keeping me hopeful is the fact that I don’t live
with my mom anymore and I have a place of my own so I don’t have to answer to
anyone or be cramped up in one bedroom with all my belongings. Being back home
for five years has helped me figure some things out, but I’m ready to grow more.
It’s so hard to get caught up in the whirlwind of
having to find a job, no matter how much it sucks, just so your bills can get
I just have to hold on to the hope of there being
a light at the end of the tunnel and doing things that make me happy to get
through this. If you’re in a similar decision, I encourage you to do the same.
Posted on August 13, 2016
So you’re done with high school and you’re starting college
in a week. I know you wanted to go away for school, but you have some maturing
to do. You’ll get to leave, I promise. You may feel stagnant sometimes and
things might get tough, but you’ll get through it. Besides, you’ll be busy as
hell three years from now in a totally different environment. All of this is
temporary. Just knock these prerequisites out and keep it moving.
Well, you did it. You graduated from college. You thought
the day would never come, but it’s here! You were a totally different person
when you came to TSU at 20-years-old, but you’ve learned valuable lessons and
made lifelong friends in the process. When you think of this place, think about
what it took for you to get here and never take it for granted. You gained much
more than a degree.
Even though you matured and learned a lot about yourself,
college was still a safety net. It’s gonna be scary and stressful trying to
figure out what’s next, but do yourself a favor and relax. Listen to Dad. He
may sound insensitive now, but you need to go home. You didn’t have a plan
mapped out for post-graduation so the best thing you you to do is go home. Go home
and enjoy not having to do anything for the first time in five years. You’ll be
able to eat home cooked meals again and the days of sleeping in an extra large
twin bed and dragging your clothes to the laundry room across the complex to
wash clothes are done! Appreciate the little things.
Be prepared for growing pains. Be prepared to feel lost.
You’re gonna argue with Mom and Dad because parents don’t get it. Take
everything as a lesson and apply it in the future so you know how to navigate
it or help someone else navigate it. The same way you had to fight to get your
degree, you’ll have to fight even harder for a career. Start a savings account.
And last, but not least, do not put deadlines on your life.
Don’t stress yourself out because you aren’t living in a condo in NYC by age
25. We’ve been trained to think we have to set all these unrealistic goals by a
certain age in order to be “successful”. Five years from now, you won’t even
wanna move to New York. It sounds crazy now, but trust me on this. Be thankful
for the things you have and continue to work for the things you want.
Last thing, don’t become complacent, because that’s not who
you are. Be good to yourself and stay encouraged.
Posted on January 16, 2016
So here we are with an update – six months later I’m
terrible, I know. As if I wasn’t already a slacker, the last five months of
2015 had me all over the place and overwhelmed, but here I am and happy new
year! I hope the first couple of weeks of 2016 have been good to you. They’ve
been okay and I feel a lot more driven this time around. I know in the past
I’ve said that this year would be “the year” that I did this and did that, but
I’m not gonna do that this year because it hasn’t been effective thus far.
I’m a procrastinator who gets so overwhelmed at the thought
of all the things I want to do that I end up doing nothing at all. Simply put, I
want to put an end to that this year. I acknowledge that I suck at resolutions
so I chose to stray away from that this year. I wrote out my goals for the
year, big and small. Things such as using my library card and drinking more
water are things I want to do.
(By the way, I’m participating in the Goodreads 2016 Reading
Challenge. Feel free to follow me here
I’m open to reading suggestions! I’m almost finished with #GIRLBOSS
by Sophia Amoruso. Next up is, Leave Your Mark
by Aliza Licht.
I also have major goals, but I’ve chosen not to speak on
them out loud. I’d just rather work towards them little by little. My friend
pointed out making monthly goals for herself instead since she doesn’t do well
with long-term goals. I’ve decided to give that a try. Because I get
overwhelmed to the point of not doing anything at all, I’ve decided baby steps
are better than no steps at all. You have to start somewhere. I realized that
if you sit idly waiting for the “right time” to do something, you’ll be waiting
“Don’t talk about it, be about it” is the mantra for my life
this year. Too much talking and complaining won’t get you very far. Believe me,
I know firsthand.
I really had an epiphany during the last week of 2015 and it
got my gears turning. All I really want is to be intentional with my actions
this year so that I can grow as a person. Try not to get caught up in social
media. Some of it’s real, some of it isn’t. It’s so hard not to compare
yourself to friends and peers when you see people getting promotions and taking
trips to the Dominican Republic.
I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t do it! Been
there, done that. It doesn’t do you any good. Besides, I got my passport last
April and it’s valid for 10 years. I’ve got plenty of time to stamp it up. Baby
steps sis, baby steps.
While I’m not working on being intentional and purposeful, I
like to run my mouth on social media. You can catch me on Twitter
What are some ways you go about accomplishing or tracking your
goals? I’d love to know! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comment
section or leave me a tweet or comment on the ‘Gram.
Labels: Discussion, Lifestyle
Posted on July 5, 2015
victim to seeing what other people were doing and admiring it, but getting
discouraged all at the same time because I didn’t feel like I had what it took to be successful.
For a while, I didn’t wanna write anymore. I didn’t wanna be a journalist anymore. I
didn’t want any part of it anymore. I wanted a workaround instead. I’ve been overwhelmed, stressed and
discouraged and I’ve allowed it to get in the way of something that I’ve always
wanted to do.
of the reason while I’ve been going back and forth about grad school for the
last three years. It’s also part of the reason why my blog isn’t where I would
like it to be. I’ve allowed my fear to psych me out. I’ve allowed my full-time
job to be the priority and doing nothing when I get home every night. While I’m trying to find out where to go next, I’ve put
this space on the back burner.
feel like what I have to say is relevant enough to speak on. I just didn’t want
to be another cliché blogger with a bunch of cliché think pieces and other crap
I don’t care about for site traffic. Yeah, I want site traffic, but I want it
for the right reasons. I want people to come here and be able to relate. I want
people to come here and leave with gems.
nothing wrong with working a 9-5. Hell, I work a 9-5 right now, but I don’t
want that to be my story.
out my passion when I was 16-years-old and I thought it would come to fruition
by the time I graduated from college. Well, shit happens. It all depends on how
you handle what life throws at you. I’ve known this all along, and I can give
other people the sermon, but when it comes to myself, I come up empty. It’s
time that I practice what I preach. I know what I’m capable of and it's time to get to work.
change you want to see in the world.” – Mahatma Ghandi
It may be
cliché, but it’s true. I won’t know until I try. If I look up and years
have gone by and I sit wondering about what I could’ve done and should’ve done,
I’ll never forgive myself. I looked at my post from New Year’s Day and shook my
head because the year is halfway over and I’ve got nothing to show for it. I’ve
still got time to make 2015 count so I’m going to do all I can to make better
use of my free time.
know where this is gonna lead me or how it will turn out. I don’t know if the
people that claim they support me will actually support me. I just have to have
faith in myself, go with my gut and do it. I’ve been doubted in the past. I’ve
been told what I shouldn’t do or couldn’t do, but I did it anyway.
of the outcome, but I’ll never know if I don’t put forth the effort to be
to be brave and stop talking about my dreams and doing all I can to make it a
reality. It's so hard to get down when you see your peers doing well and you feel stuck. I've allowed that to hold me back for too long and I've decided to put an end to it. If they can do it, I can do it. Do it in your own time. Do it because will make you a better person. Everyone loves recognition, but don't do it solely for recognition. Do it because it's something you believe in.
To those of
you who read my little ol’ blog, thank you. To those of you who have given me
words of encouragement, thank you.
I’m not big
on posting every little thing I’m thinking or doing online, but just know that
you can expect change around here.
Labels: Lifestyle, Misc
Posted on February 17, 2015
I'll be honest, I was ready for the day to come and go after all the hoopla surrounding the pushback of tour dates and the stress of finding shoes and just figuring out everything for the actual day. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I'm particular about things so I just wanted it to be an awesome day. The day of was nerve wrecking because Live Nation is awful and they need not ever handle meet & greets again. It was rushed and I wish I could've had a little bit more time, but I'm still grateful and elated that I got to meet them. Everybody who knows me personally and is close to me knows the love I've had for Christopher Maurice Brown since the very beginning. I also adore Trey and I'm proud of how far he's come.
I admit Chris has had his struggles and he's not perfect by any means, but he's human. A very talented human that I've followed since the very beginning. I've always found it inspiring to watch someone come from a town of 2,000 people become an international star. It was all so surreal, but I'm so glad I got to meet him and Trey. I've supported both of them since the very beginning of their careers and it's crazy how it came full circle. They're both on their sixth albums, they both came on the scene in 2005 and here we are 10 years later and they're on tour together and I got to meet them both on Valentine's Day. It was just an awesome experience and I'd do it all over again
minus the Live Nation crap
. They're both sweethearts and I'm grateful I got to meet them. I always thought about what would happen if I ever met them, and surprisingly I wasn't nervous at all.
Here's how the conversation went:
CB: Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you enjoy the show and I better see you turnin' up!
Me to them: I fuck with y'all! I didn't know what I was gonna say when I came in here, but I really fuck with y'all!
Trey: She really fucks with us!
Then Christopher proceeded to high five me with both hands andddddd my life was made.
I was nervous to do a persuasive speech in public speaking class in college, but I met artists that I adore and there wasn't an ounce of nervousness in my body. Maybe it's because we're close in age and it's almost like I've grown up with them over the last 10 years through their music. Either way, it was awesome. Chris gave me a high five. With both hands. He's so freaking awesome and I wish more people saw him in that light. I'm one of the first to talk about his shortcomings, but he's extremely talented and he's brought a lot of people together. I've formed friendships with people all over the place because of him.
Who needs a valentine when you met your favorite artist and watch them perform from second row? NOT I!
Posted on February 3, 2015
I'm actually going to the gym after work instead of coming home and piling up in my bed to watch 90s sitcoms on TVOne. Now, it hasn't been extremely consistent yet (two days in a row tops), but it's a start. I feel like I'm doing something. I feel bad when I eat junk, so I guess it's working. This is actually a huge step for me considering the paranoia I've felt about working out. The most I would do is walk around my complex for 30 minutes after work (in spring, of course). I'm actually taking a major step and I'm proud of myself.
I'm making it my mission to take action in 2015 and I think I'm off to a decent start. My eating habits have changed drastically since I've graduated from college, but there's always room for improvement. Exercise has been my biggest struggle, so I'm currently trying to find a routine that works for me so that I can get in the groove of things.
Pinterest and Tumblr have been my motivation and it's a good way to start your own health and fitness journey. You can literally find any and everything there; healthy recipes, workout tips, etc. Feel free to follow my Pinterest board
or Tumblr page
for inspiration. My random free subscription to Fitness Magazine
has been pretty helpful too.
Once I get a weekly routine down and add to my workout playlist, I'll be all set. I don't plan on posting pictures on social media or anything, but I may talk about some things here or just share what I'm doing on Tumblr. Pray for me! No really, pray for me.
P.S. Spaghetti squash might be my new favorite.
Labels: Health & Fitness
Posted on January 1, 2015
I have no complaints about 2014 and I'm grateful for everything that has happened in the last 365 days, but I really want to make this year about focus, initiative, and execution. I have a good feeling about it, and I intend to follow through with my promise to myself (and my close friends so they don't cuss me out). I'm getting closer to the big 3-0 and I'm trying to cross my t's and dot my i's.
Less excuses, more effort. I've learned that if you sit idly and watch other people make moves instead of making moves of your own, you'll grow old and wonder about the shoulda coulda wouldas. I learned that lesson in 2014 and it's really time to put up or shut up. I'm feeling inspired and encouraged from all the great things that have happened to all the awesome people that I know and now is the time to make sure some of that greatness is passed my way.
I doubt that I'll be exactly where I wanna be by this time next year, but taking steps to get there is better than taking none.
I don't know where 2015 is gonna lead me, but I'm looking forward to the journey. Here's to prosperity, peace, and last but not least, happiness.
Shoot, a little travel, a little weight loss, and a few more coins ain't never hurt nobody!
Posted on December 30, 2014
I'm seriously humbled and honored to have been mentioned in Tyece's list and I encourage everyone to visit her blog here
and check out all the other awesome women she featured. You can never have enough reading material. Go get you a piece!
Look out for some changes around here next year!
Labels: Beauty, Discussion, Fashion, Lifestyle, Misc
Posted on October 18, 2014
Ariana Grande is an amazing talent. The moment I saw her singing
over a Big Pun sample, the moment I watched a video of her rendition of
Emotions by none other than Queen Mariah, I was sold. The girl has pipes! Her
music is awesome too, but a lot of people focus more on her appearance than her
talent. She just turned 21 this summer and she got her career started on a
I've seen a lot of people refer to her as a "little
girl", and claim she needs to "grow up" before they can take her
seriously solely based on the way that she dresses.
In a society where women are scrutinized and expected to be sexy and thin, it
bothers me to see other women bash Ariana for her appearance. She may not have
long legs or wear a C-cup, but she's gorgeous in her own way. Ariana seems to
have a sweet spirit and she's uber talented, but people skip over all of that
just to talk about her appearance. Some of the very same women who preach about not
appeasing the male gaze rag on Ariana's appearance; including women I know. I
need all of the pots calling the kettle black to realize you contribute to the misogyny and patriarchy in today's society too.
She's a childhood star and she's only 21, so of course she's going
to explore her womanhood. God forbid any of you have daughters or sisters of
your own. Everybody isn't gonna be comfortable being "sexy", so
let them be!
I would rather Ariana rock her ponytail with her crop tops
and skater skirts and blow me away with her amazing voice than watch her conform for the sake of pleasing people who wouldn't support her talent anyway.
If you're one of those women who declare, "girl power" just to turn around and downgrade women for not dressing
"grown" or "sexy" enough, you're part of the problem and you might as well find
a seat at the table with all the boys and men who do the same thing.
Self-esteem issues were serious when I was a kid, but these kids
have it ten times worse with cyber bullying, and the pressure of wanting to
grow up too fast. Ariana may serve as an inspiration to some of these kids
to let them know that you can do whatever you want to do and not have to change
yourself to be successful. It may sound cliche, but it's true. If
you think about it, a lot of popular artists have had major success and they
didn't have a seat at the "cool kids" table starting out. They just did what felt comfortable to them.
Leave Ariana alone and worry about your own damn insecurities
before you start picking other people's lives apart. Pleasantries.