Posted on July 23, 2014
isn’t a foreign concept. It’s been going on for generations. Some refer to it
as “playing house”, others like to call it “shacking up”. I call it a “Hell
Nah” and here’s why.
I’m an introvert and I
like being alone. A lot. I enjoy getting together with my friends every now and
then and my weekend shopping trips with my mom, but I like my alone time. I
need my space. I enjoy lounging in my pajamas, watching Golden Girls on DVD or
having an impromptu jam session, party of one.
I hate when people touch
my belongings without my permission. I like when things are done a certain way,
but most of all, I don’t deal well with uncertainty.
I’ve never been the type
to leap into anything haphazardly. I like to go with the flow, but I also like
to plan. Until I’ve met “the one” and we’ve known each other for some time and
plan on being married, I can’t ever see myself living with my future significant
It has nothing to do with
religious beliefs and everything to do with privacy and security. Some people
live together because it works for them and their relationship while others do
it for the sake of getting help with the bills. If the relationship doesn’t
work out, then what happens? If Ricky can’t come up with his part of the rent,
what am I supposed to do?
I’d like to think I’m a
modern-day woman with an open mind, but that’s one thing I can’t get down with.
It’s just not for me. I realize no relationship is perfect, but that’s not a
risk I’m willing to take. Sorry, not sorry.
One's living arrangement
is none of business if it doesn't pertain to my own, but I personally can't see
myself splitting the bills with someone unless marriage is involved.
At this point, I don't even
want a roommate if I can help it. I did it in college for two and half years
and that was enough. I would prefer my own space to do what I want and not have
to consider someone else's feelings or preferences. Once I move out on my own,
I’ll know for sure that bills or paid or if I’m craving a bowl of Talenti
gelato when I get home from work, it’ll be in the freezer where I left it.
It almost reminds me of the
days I shared a room with my sister when we were kids and I absolutely hated
that. There’s nothing like being alone in my own space. On those rainy fall
nights, I like to sit in the dark with my window up, burn a pineapple mango
candle, put my iPod on shuffle and chill. No worries, no interruptions.
God forbid I ever get
married, I don’t know what I’m gonna do then. In the meantime, I’ll just enjoy
my candle collections, iPod on shuffle and Golden
Girls DVD collection.
Do you live with your significant other or are you
contemplating moving in together? How does it work for you and your
relationship? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Labels: Lifestyle, Relationship
Posted on July 6, 2014
One day, I jokingly asked
my co-workers if it was time to go (one, I was getting over a summer
cold and two, I really was ready to go).
Then out of the blue, my
co-worker hit me with, “It’s starting to sound like you don’t like your job.”
Just because I say I'm
tired and I'm ready to go home doesn't mean I don't like my job. I already
dedicate 40 hours a week of my life to that place. I don't eat, sleep and
breathe for my company or paycheck. I’m grateful for gainful employment and
benefits, but I enjoy my free time more. I’m not saying I don't wanna make money,
but I'm not gonna break my neck or bend over backwards to do something I don't
enjoy. I think my job is cool, but that's just it. It's a job. I’m
on a pursuit to find a career and use my skills
and $40,000 degree if
I admire and envy my peers
who are able to travel frequently while I'm stuck at home trying to save up
enough paid time off just to take a weekend trip. I can't wait until I can travel
and meet all the amazing people I’ve met through social media because of mutual
interests we all share.
I'm single. I don't have a
family to provide for so my every waking moment isn't worried about working
overtime to add a few extra coins to my paycheck every two weeks. So many
people get caught up in the cycle of working nonstop for nothing. After you've
worked 60 hours a week trying to fatten your paycheck to pay bills, then
what? Money is great, but I crave fulfillment. I need it.
I may not ever have my
"dream job", but whatever I decide to do for a living in the
next year or however long, I want to enjoy it. I want to make a difference. I
want things to be on my terms. I want my skills and interests to play a
part in whatever I do.
Working fulltime while
trying to find the time and energy to put your all into something you believe
in is already difficult. I have a lot of living to do, but I’ll be damned if I
waste most of it “grinding” for the sake of a few extra dollars on my paycheck.
Holla at me about overtime
when it comes to something I actually have an interest in, because entry-level
employment won’t be the move forever.
Labels: Career, Lifestyle
Posted on May 21, 2014
Tyece and I had a brief conversation on
Twitter about being the youngest associate in the workplace and being
underestimated and patronized. Sometimes I swear she's in my head because she
always hits the nail on the head, but this is something I've struggled with
over the past five or six months as one of the youngest associates in the
office. I'm in my mid-20s, single, no children. I'm still trying to find my
place in the world and get situated to where I can grow and be the best person
I can be.
I often shy away from having conversations with certain co-workers
because a lot of them are older and judging by their response on certain
topics, they come off jealous or bitter. I'm not here to brag about my
education or walk around with my nose in the air by any means. I've had to
overcome things in my lifetime, but I don't believe in sharing my life story
with the public for the sake of defending who I am and how I am. If you really
know me, you know the deal. If you don't know me, you'll never know. I've been
blessed with an amazing support system along the way. My parents were
relatively young and they didn't have the "perfect" childhoods, but
they did what they could to make sure me and my sister were raised right.
I've never had to deal with being patronized or disregarded
because of my age until I started working at my current company. Maybe it's
because I used to work with a lot of people around my age and I'm my parents'
oldest child so I've always been the oldest or amongst peers most of my life. I
shy away from discussing career goals with certain co-workers because they seem
to have a crab-in-a-barrel mentality about things. I can tell that some have
gotten complacent with where they are in life. To be quite frank, that isn't my
problem. In life, people make choices and right now, I'm making the choice to
do my best to progress. My worst fear after death is being miserable and
I don't want to miss out, look back over my life filled with
regret because I decided to sit around and just take what was given.
Just because some of them have decided to stick to what's safe and
comfortable doesn't mean I have to do the same. Sometimes I also feel like it's
a subliminal way of them not wanting me to do better than them. My manger and supervisor
are great and I'm thankful for that. I've never had issues in that department,
but some of my co-workers allow our place of employment to stress them out and
worry them. That's not my MO. Once I clock out, I'm done with work-related
issues. I don't bring it home with me. I refuse to.
For one, I don't get paid enough for that. Two, if I'm going to be
stressed, I'd rather be stressed over something I'm passionate about. Don't get
me wrong, I'm grateful for where I am right now, but I really believe there is
more in store for me. I don't know what, where or when, but I'm on the quest to
figure that out.
My parents have known me all my life and I'm their child, but they
still respect my views and opinions. At the end of the day, you have to do what
makes you happy. You're going to be able to share your joy with everybody and
you may not always have a cheerleader. Some people will root for you while
others dismiss you because of their own unhappiness.
Don't invite that type of energy into your life. Life is all
about choices. Choose your path the way you see fit.
Posted on May 4, 2014
Am I the only one who feels some type of way when I see people landing 'writing' gigs with no proof of prior experience?
I feel like I did everything right. I've wanted to be a writer since I was 16-years-old. I went to school, got my degree in communications, I was active with my alma mater's school paper, had a few editorial assistant positions and I have my own site. I've never been too sure about the direction of this site, but it's my site nonetheless.
I have a passion for journalism and I take it seriously, but you have people who have never written a story in their life getting bylines and I can't help but give the side eye to all parties involved. Before anybody jumps to call me a 'hater', save it. I understand that it's all about "the grind", networking and who you know, but that's bullshit.
You have talented people with tons of potential and ideas who are qualified. People who have spent $40K+ on an education in addition to hands-on experience, but you still want us to write for exposure? NAH. After college are these pesky things I like to call bills and student loans. Exposure doesn't pay bills. I wrote for free for a year or so after I graduated (almost 3 years ago, by the way), but I don't see myself writing for a major publication without a check being involved at this point.
You don't get to reap the benefits of free labor. My degree wasn't free. My time and hard work during those years as a student weren't free. I can at least say I got a stipend and experience out of that. If I had to do it all over again, I would. But that's not the point. I know so many people, myself included, with so many ideas, but they're not being recognized. Some people don't take it as seriously as I do and I don't understand why those people are reaping the benefits of something I've wanted for so long. There are people who don't know the first thing about the communication/journalism field, but they have jobs in the very field I've spent time and money on.
To be quite frank, it's a joke and a slap in the face. I guess you could call this a ranting/venting/complaining session or whatever, but that's how I feel. It's just a constant reminder of having your hard work and passion overlooked while mediocrity is rewarded. Will the cycle ever stop? I hope so for the sake of my sanity and these bills.
Don't get it twisted, I'm not going to quit my day job to pursue my dreams. I want to write, but I'm not gonna end up living under a bridge trying to snag a byline. Thankfully, the field has evolved enough to where you can get yourself out there without having to live in a metropolitan city. I would still like to move to NYC for the experience and because Ohio just isn't for me. I've been here over half my life for God's sake. In the meantime, I'll sit patiently and continue to build and pray that it doesn't go unnoticed.
Labels: Career, Discussion
Posted on April 20, 2014
not going to have life figured out immediately after graduation. It’s a process. Some days will be
fulfilling and others will be discouraging. Appreciate your triumphs and work
on your weaknesses. Take heed to advice, but don’t feel obligated to live by
it. Your life is yours to live and you should focus on your happiness. It’s
okay to feel misunderstood. Somebody out there gets it. Find those people and
talk. It will make you feel a hell of a lot better about your situation.
a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s okay to make pit stops along the way
while finding your way to the final destination. Patience is a virtue. Feeling
stagnant is normal during this time in your life. Feeling discouraged and
uncertain are some of the scariest emotions in the world, but you overcome it. Continue
to build day by day. Don’t settle. Just because you’re in a comfortable
position, don’t make it final.
you feel like you have something to share with the world and you’re not happy
with the present, build towards the future. Being content and complacent are
two different things. Don’t confuse the two.
follow co-workers on social networks. Unless it’s LinkedIn, keep it cute. Make
connections in the workplace, but watch who you fraternize with. Mom and Dad may
have grown up differently, but take heed to some of their advice. Not only are
they more experienced, but they’re rooting for you even when it doesn’t feel like
it. Don’t dim your light to make others happy. They won’t do the same for you. It’s
hard being a Black woman with an opinion, but that’s what makes you, you.
listen to the advice of those who are hell bent on you having children and getting
married. You weren’t put on this earth to be someone’s wife and mother only. It’s
okay to want to be selfish and carefree. You’re nobody’s wife or mother, so do
what you wanna do. If you want to start a family later down the line, great! If not, that's cool too!
put other women down to build yourself up for the sake of a man. It’s tacky and
it screams, “low self esteem”.
something you can be proud of. Set an example for little Black girls
everywhere. We need to stick together.
Drink water and eat fruits and veggies. Be active. Your body will thank you 20 years from now.
And for the love of God, write more. If that's what you wanna do for a living, make time for it.
Labels: Career, Discussion, Lifestyle
Posted on April 3, 2014
For the past four seasons, it's been a trend to categorize the prime
time sensation, Scandal as a "Black woman's show". Some
have even gone as far as writing articles to shun Kerry Washington's character,
Olivia Pope and go on patriarchal rants about how women who enjoy the show are
influenced by Olivia Pope's decisions and idolize her for sleeping with a white
man. Some Black women have
gone as far as writing articles to declare that they're a Black woman who
doesn't watch Scandal or who doesn't agree with the hype around the show.
because the main character and writer/creator of the show happen to be Black
women doesn't make it the Black woman's go-to TV drama. Not only is it
patriarchal, it's an ignorant assumption. 90 million "Gladiators" log in every
Thursday night to indulge in the action-packed show, but the fan base doesn't
consist of 90 million Black women. To say it's the Black woman's show would be
quite the contrary. You have a gay white Republican couple who adopted a Black baby and Sally Langston whose a devout Christian.
With the lack of representation we're already faced with, you would
think people would do a little bit more research and think about what they say
before they pop up looking for a gold star or cookie for being a Black woman
who doesn't watch the show. It doesn't make you special, you don't get a pat on
the back. It's one thing not to watch because you're not interested, but it's
another to bash the show and the people like you who watch it all in the name
of trying to disprove a stereotype.
I'm a Black woman and I don't watch the Real Housewives of Atlanta and I never have. It's not because I think it's a stereotypical show to watch as a Black woman and I want to stir clear of that group. I've just never had any interest in it. Besides, I indulge in Love & Hip Hop and Single Ladies so who am I to judge?
All I'm saying is, if you don't watch Scandal and you're one of those people who feel the need to blog and tweet every Thursday night that you don't watch Scandal, go find something to do with your time. We don't care. No gold star for you.