A good friend of mine passed away yesterday
morning and I'm in shock and disbelief. I hadn’t spoken to her in almost two
years and that’s what’s been bothering me the most.
I’m still in shock and disbelief. I’m still hoping it’s some awful
dream. We used to talk almost every day in college.
We both graduated from college in 2011 and I guess you can say, "life got in the way". We get caught up in the web of post-grad life, the next step in our future, finding jobs to pay bills and we sometimes we don't keep up with friends as often as we used to.
There were times I wanted to reach out just to see how she
was doing and I didn’t because I was too stubborn to do so. I assumed she
didn’t want me in her life anymore because checking up on friends is supposed to be a 50/50 thing. The last time we
spoke didn’t end on a bad note. It was just catching up on how post-grad life was going, but it still hurts because I should’ve made an
attempt to reach out. If you think about a friend or loved one you
haven’t spoken to in a while and you want to contact them to see how they’re
doing, please do it. Don’t take that person for granted. Life is too short and you
just never know.
I thank God for the fact that I was able to speak with one
of her family members and mutual friends of ours to get through this time. We
spent last night asking how and why this happened, but we also spent time
laughing about the good times and remembering conversations we had with her. She
was gorgeous, hilarious and talented. She always talked about moving to
California to pursue her dreams of acting and writing. Her cousin said she had
just moved to California in the fall and enrolled in a graduate writing program
so that brings me some comfort. To move clear across the country in the pursuit
of making her dreams a reality is brave and I’m proud of her for that. She
truly had a gift and it’s just a shame others won’t get to witness it.
She was back home in D.C. for spring break and passed away.
I still don’t understand why or how. I’m not sure I ever will. This feels like
an awful dream and I really don’t know what to do.
I’m glad she was able to do as much as she did in such a
short amount of time. She would’ve been 25 in November. Tears are flowing as I
write this because this shouldn’t be happening. My heart is so heavy. I haven’t dealt with death since both of my grandmothers passed away in 2002 and 2005, but this is different.
This year would’ve marked seven years of friendship. I still
wanna send her a crazy text message and wait for her equally crazy response, but it will never come. It’s gonna take a while for me to accept
she’s no longer here. To see somebody so young full of life and so much promise in their future gone in the blink of an
eye is mind boggling and scary.
Rest in peace, Karis. I’m grateful and privileged to have
called you a friend. I’m proud of you for putting in the work to make your
dreams come true. Last but not least, I'm sorry. I considered you to be one of my closest friends and I should've reached out. Please charge it to my head and not my heart.
I know we hadn’t spoken in a while, but I love you and I miss you already.