Five years ago, I was at my best friend's baby shower and one of
our high school friends asked, "Jaida, when are you having kids?" My
response was, "No time soon." She dismissed my answer and replied,
"Girl, that's what I said too." She was about three months pregnant
at the time. That was in 2011 and I was fresh out of college (three months, to
be exact). Fast forward six years later and my feelings haven’t changed.
We’ve been conditioned to think we’re “supposed” to get a college
degree, get married and have babies by age XX. I don’t want to have kids right
now and I’m not going to pretend I do because society says I should.
I'm at a place in my life where I'm still trying to figure things
out for myself. All of that goes out of the window once you become a parent.
I’ve literally been with my mother her entire adult life. She had me at 22 and
my sister at 25 so she had to figure things out pretty quickly. My parents didn’t
have a chance to fully focus on themselves until we were grown.
A lot of young people jump into parenthood when they’re not ready
and it ends up affecting them and their children. I wouldn’t want that for
anybody. Not only that, but I wasn’t put on earth just to become a mother. That
isn’t my purpose.
I’m having a hard enough time trying to figure my life out alone.
I couldn’t imagine throwing children in the mix. These are my years to be
selfish. I don’t have anybody depending on me. I don’t have to take childcare
and school districts into account when deciding where I’ll move next. As a
single, childless woman, I’m stable for the most part. Besides, there are
plenty of children in my life whom I can spoil and love on before sending them back
to their parents.
Women are not obligated to have babies. Stop asking women when and
if they’re going to have children. Some women do not want children. Some women
can’t have children. Stop forcing that responsibility on us. I’m lucky to have
parents who haven’t pressed the issue of wanting grandchildren. They understand
where I’m at in my life and they respect it. If you want random women to have
children so bad, go adopt a child in need of a loving home.
People don’t have to become parents due to some imaginary
deadline. Leave people alone and mind your business.